Thursday, 22 September 2011

The tale of the heated rear window switch

Once upon a time, in a far away land over the mountains, there was a man with a van.
Not long after he took the van home he noticed that, when you switched on the heated rear window and door mirror heaters the little light, on the switch, didn't come on! The heaters worked though!
Now, the man was a little compulsive obsessive and, having paid lots of pennies for the van, he thought that this little light ought to come on. So ...
He took the van to the nice man at the big Peugeot garage in the big city, (it was called Manchester).
He smiled and told the nice man his problem.
"Ok," said the nice man, "let's have a look then."
So the nice man got one of his friends to have a look and said, " Needs a new switch panel. We'll get one for you."
"Does it need all the switches replacing then?", asked the man with the van.
"Yes, you can't replace them individually," said the nice man.
So the man, sat on a rock and waited patiently.



Presently, the nice man phoned to say he'd got a new switch panel. So the man took the van to the big city and had a cup of coffee while the nice man had his friend fit the new switches.
"There's a problem," said the nice man.
"Oh?" said the man.
"Yes," said the nice man. "My friend's fitted the switches but the light still doesn't come on. He's having another look."
So the man had another cup of coffee. It was very nice.
"There's a problem," said the nice man.
"Oh," said the man.
"Yes," said the nice man. "My friend's taken some bits off the dashboard, but he can't find out what's wrong. Could you bring you van back another day and maybe leave it with us for a couple of days. We can lend you a nice little car to drive around while we have your van. Also, I need to tell you that the problem might have been caused by the men who made your van into a lovely motorhome."
"Oh," said the man.
"Yes," said the nice man, "and, if that's so, someone would have to give us the pennies for fixing it."
"Oh," said the man, a little worried, and he left the big city behind and went home.
The man phoned the nice people who'd sold him the van to tell them he was worried.
"Don't worry," said the nice lady. "The men who made your van into a lovely motorhome would give the nice man, at the big garage, in the big city some pennies if it was their fault."
"Ok," said the man, "thank you."
A while later, the man took the van and went back to the big city and, just as he'd promised, the nice man lent him a nice little car to drive around while they mended his van.
The man drove around. He went home, he went shopping, he went to visit his friend, Big Ears, then he went home again.
Days passed.
The nice man phoned and said, "My friend's found the problem. It's the BIS unit; it's broken!"
"What's a BIS unit?" asked the man.
"It's a box full of magic. It lives behind the dashboard. We've ordered a new one. It'll be here in a couple of days. You can keep the nice little car to drive around though."
"Ok," said the man. "Thank you."
Days passed. The man phoned the big garage in the big city.
"Please can I have my van back?" he asked nicely.
"Sorry," said the nice man, "we haven't got the BIS unit yet. It'll be here in a couple of days."
"Ok," said the man.
Days passed. The man phoned the big garage in the big city again.
"Please can I have my van back?" he asked nicely.
"Sorry," said the nice man, "we haven't got the BIS unit yet. It'll be here in a couple of days."
"Ok," said the man.
Days passed. The man phoned the big garage in the big city again.
"Please can I have my van back?" he asked nicely.
"Sorry," said the nice man, "we haven't got the BIS unit yet. It'll be here in a couple of days."
"Oh dear," said the man. " The thing is, we're off on a holiday in the van next week and we need to make it ready; put nice things to eat, and to drink in it. You know?"
"Oh," said the nice man... "But my friend's got your van's dashboard in bits."
"Oh," said the man. "Perhaps you could put it back together again, so we can go on holiday, eat and drink nice things and have fun. Then, when you've got the BIS unit I could bring the van back again and you could mend it for me. And maybe you could lend me the nice little car again?"
"Ok," said the nice man, a bit grumpily.
So the man took the nice little car back to the big city and drove his lovely van home.
Then he went on holiday, ate and drank nice things and had fun.
Then he went home ... and waited ... and waited.
Days passed.
Weeks passed.
Months passed.
Then, one nice, sunny day the nice man phoned to say he'd got the BIS unit.
"Super!" said the man.
"Can you bring your van in so we can mend it?" said the nice man.
"Well," said the man, "we're off on holiday again, to eat and drink nice things and have fun. Can I bring it in after we've come home?"
"Ok," said the nice man, "just phone and let us know when."
"Ok," said the man. "Can I have a nice little car again?"
"Yes," said the nice man.
So the man went on holiday, ate and drank nice things and had fun.
One nice day, after he'd come home again, he drove the van into the big city. It was only six months after he'd first gone there. He was very good at finding his way to the big garage now.
He had a lovely cup of coffee in the big garage, then the nice man lent him a nice little car to drive around.
And, by and by, after a couple of days the nice man phoned to say the man's van was mended.
"Does the switch light up now?" asked the man.
"Yes," said the nice man.
"That's lovely," said the man.
And he went and took the nice little car back to the big garage in the big city, thanked the nice man for being so nice and helpful and then, drove his lovely van home, with the switch for the heated rear window and the door mirror heaters switched on ... so he could look at the little light.
And he smiled ... and he laughed ... and he was very, very happy.
And the man ... and the van ... and all his friends and relations, including Big Ears, lived happily ever after.

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